"For All of Eternity" A Gundam Wing fanfiction Written by Komadori-chan MD [Fanfiction is non-profit – GW © Sunrise & Sotsu Agency] Published: 12-18-00 He's back again, just as I had expected... he always comes to visit me in the darkest hours of the night. Maybe it's because we are both creatures of the darkness... maybe it's because we belong together... despite what all others think. We were meant to be together in life and death. He and I are one... for all of eternity. He stands there in the lighted doorway, gazing into the shadows towards me with a knowing expression. His arms are crossed over his chest comfortably and he leans against the doorframe for a moment, as if deciding what it is he wants to say. Even in the semi blackness, I can still make out the faint outline of his smile as he bows his head so that his chin is resting on his chest. And for one irrational second, everything around us seems tranquil and harmonious... as if the entire world felt his inner calm and sought to match it. It's at moments like these that both he and I find our small sense of peace amidst the war raging around us. He's the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in all of my existence and just to see him like this in this one instant makes my very soul flutter happily, although I can never tell him that. How ironic that a THING... a DEMON of destruction such as myself could be so easily distracted by a single boy with a whimsical brown braid and a charming, if idealistic, smile. I can't remember when it was that I realized that I had taken to him beyond the boundaries of pure comradeship or even liked him as a very good friend... a best friend, even. I can't even recall when it was that I learned to feel… by now, none of that matters. All I do know is that the first time I nearly died and he was not there by my side, I almost lost the will to continue. I never realized before then how much I needed him. And when I saw him again, we picked up right where we left off, without missing a single beat. I believe that in itself was the single happiest moment in my lifetime. One that I will never forget. Even still... this is not what they created me for... I was chosen and trained with him to spill blood in the name of peace and have no second thoughts about it... sometimes, I doubt they know that I CAN think for myself, not that I care if they do... All I DO care about, however, is that... I'm not supposed to feel like this... but I do... and it hurts that I can never tell him so. Not aloud, anyway... Not in any terms he can understand. Slowly, he unfolds himself and gracefully saunters into the room, closing the door behind him. His movements remind me vividly of a panther's... deliberate, graceful, proud... Quietly, he begins lighting candles on a table that sits right across from me, casting a soft yellow glow across his features. Even though I know that it's strictly for the purpose of giving himself the proper amount of illumination so that he could review the many area maps and logistic printouts that constitute his next mission, I can't help but feel the strangely romantic atmosphere of the situation. He doesn't even notice my shift in mood. "I'm back… did you miss me?" he asks without even turning to face me. I don't answer back just yet, as I'm content to just stand there and wait for him to look at me. He chuckles to himself and finishes, amused. When he finally turns and looks up at me, I can feel an ache start deep within me. Those eyes... those mystical indigo eyes were always so enchanting to begin with, but in the gentle glow of the flames, they seemed to be lit from within, filled with tenderness and love. Love... for the longest time, I was the only one in his life. I was the one he loved more than anything else in the world. I, who had always been there for him, to protect him, to listen to him, to be there when it mattered most. But things changed. I am no longer the only one to hold him and wrap him within the safe warmth of my very being. No... there is someone else. Maybe I should've told him when I had the chance... but then again, I should be happy for him. He doesn't need my love. I'm not capable of giving him the affection that he needs. I could never fill that void. But despite all of that, if it came down to it, I would gladly lay down my own life if it would preserve his. Whether he loved me the way I want him to or not. So as long as he's happy, I will be too. For a time, we just sat across from each other in companionable silence. He was reading his orders while I simply stood there watching over him, without another, single word uttered between us. Sometimes, I begin to think that maybe this is all I ever look forward to nowadays, other than the time he and I spend on the battlefield together. The quiet time we share is almost sacred to me... and strangely enough, for all the comfort and contentment that I have just being with him like this, it is also a great source of emotional turmoil for me. Oh, how I wish I could cross the boundaries that are separating us... and make him understand me. But I can't... for the life of me, I can not. "Duo…." It's him… the one who stole Duo's heart away from me. I'd have to admit that he's a good person and that he and my love make a wonderful team. Just like Wing and I make a great team out there on the battlefield... together, we're unstoppable. Yet... even looking at him leaves me so empty inside. So it has passed that Duo has found his true counterpart as well, someone he can face the world with. It hurts, but I have finally come to accept it, knowing that I will always have a place in his heart. That is enough for me. That is all I will ever need. Besides, it's like I said, as long as Duo's happy, I will be too. The point of being in love with someone isn't to be rewarded with their affection... it's the gift of realizing what really matters in life and having someone to care for selflessly. In a way, it's like discovering the meaning of existence. This by itself is reward enough. And I know that this other person will love him with all of his heart, even if he doesn't ever say it. It's in his eyes. So I watch silently from the shadows as they look at each other and smile. Silently, Duo walks right up to him and embraces him, and I can just hear faintly over the hum of the various machinery that surrounds all of us the whispered words, "Ai shiteru…" And with that, they kiss. It's a hard scene to digest, but then again, I have never let him know how uncomfortable it makes me to witness such displays of their affection for each other. After they withdraw, that boy takes Duo's hand in his and leads him out of the hangar, presumably to their room for the night. But before he disappears through the door, Duo stops and turns back, the same old love-filled expression etched into his features... just for me. He flashes me another smile over his shoulder, "Shinigami- chan, oyasumi!" Then he reaches for the door to close it and I can see his new lover watching our exchange with a bemused smirk just as the barrier reestablishes and the room is bathed in darkness once more. Take good care of him Heero, I'll be watching... remember that. For I am the very spirit of Shinigami... and I'll always be watching-- for all of eternity.