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===================================================================== LEARNING TO FLY A GUNDAM WING fanfiction by Komadori-chan MD ===================================================================== Email: kchan_md@yahoo.com Archive: http://freewebz.com/disillusionment/ Pairing:1+2 Warning: shounen ai; lengthy, disjointed soliloquy Disclaimer: Fanfiction is written for entertainment
purposes only and not for profit.
Presented characters and storylines were manipulated without
permission. Unless otherwise stated,
all related content is exclusive property of Published: ------------------------------------------------- Nearly
a month has past since our last mission together... that’s a very long time
to be without any orders when there’s a war currently being waged. It doesn’t
feel right, when you are a soldier and have no battles to fight at a time
like this... but still, he waits patiently every night for our next
assignment to be given. I can sense the tension in him... it pulses between
us-- an invisible, yet tangible force. His
intensity is difficult to ignore. It has taken on a life force of its own, it
seems... frighteningly resolute and passionate. It’s the one thing that I
admire most about him... his dedication. To the mission, to his ideals, to
all he holds important in life. Such a characteristic is quite desirable in a
companion, I should know. It doesn’t surprise me that this quality would also
attract others to him... though, somehow, I’ll admit that it does make for
some resentment on my part. His and my relationship is somewhat unique...
give and take, fall and give support, do and die... both equally. And, as
attached as I’ve grown to him, it’s hard sometimes to allow others to come
in, even if I have no real claim. Most
times, I don’t mind that they monopolize his time. That tall boy with the
curious bangs comes around some times... Trowa is his name, I believe.
Reticent, unobtrusive, practical. Usually, when he’s with him, they are
discussing the plans to "their gundams", special ops and tactics,
or something else that’s relevant to the war. I like him. I can see that he
is a good soldier as well and that he performs his job with the optimum
efficiency. It
is kind of interesting listening to them talk, or not talk, whichever they
feel like doing that particular day. Hearing the mathematical and scientific
droning between them is somewhat soothing; it puts me at ease just watching
them like that. From time to time, I’ll hear him say something like
"Those parts are taking a long time to come in" or maybe "The
best thing to do is put isopropyl on it" or even "Wing needs a few
more adjustments". Just like that, little bits, here and there, amusing
in a strange sort of way. Or maybe that’s just me? But
those are just the days when Heero has pilot 03 over. On one or two
occasions, he’s had 04 over. He’s also a nice young man. Very polite and very
comprehensive in his studies, although I must confess he doesn’t truly strike
me as the type to fight. He’s too... nice. That could be a costly variable in
battle. But other than that, I’m sure he does excellent reconnaissance and
planning. As long as they don’t rely on him mainly for fieldwork. Gods, we’d
be in trouble then. His
conversations with Quatre-- or rather, Quatre’s monologues with him-- are
less interesting. They usually revolve around topics having to do with what
will happen after peace has been obtained. The blonde one definitely abhors
the idea of bloodshed, almost to distraction, which only compounds my belief
that he is not a suitable pilot for a gundam. What were they thinking,
putting a poet-- a child-- in a soldier’s shoes? It’s unthinkable. It’s
disturbing. It’s downright disgusting. But for all of that, I’ll have to give
him credit. He does have strong beliefs and seems very determined to have
those ideals accomplished. And, as long as he is fighting alongside Heero,
half of his fight is already over. Given
those circumstances, it makes me uncomfortable to be around them. It
inadvertently makes me wonder what will become of us after the war is,
indeed, over. I was born into this world to fight, that is my purpose-- I
have a warrior’s soul... I know no other way of life. Just as I’ve heard
Heero say before that fighting was the only way he knew to live. We’re just
the same, him and I. That
doesn’t necessarily mean that I am evil. Just as Heero is not evil. We simply
do our jobs as ordered. Though I do take pride in my work... spilling the
blood of countless fools who dare oppose me. I shall rid this earth of their
kind. The ones who sew the seeds of hatred in their fellow man, they who
crave slaughter as their source of power... such creatures sicken me beyond
comprehension. As they do with Heero... my Heero. But what happens when he
and I do successfully wipe them from the face of this planet and from the
void of space? What will become of him? Of me? Should I await that destiny
with apprehension or just go with it as if I did not care I had lost my
purpose? For now, I’d rather not think about it. "Heero!"
a voice comes booming through the room and I look up to find another familiar
face. Pilot 02, Duo Maxwell, has arrived from his recent missions. Why is it
that that fool hardy baka gets more solo assignments than Heero and I? I
hardly believe that they consider him the best at stealth... just look at the
loud, obnoxious way he always announces his presence? Hell, I’m surprised
that in his carelessness, he hasn’t managed to destroy Deathscythe yet. Then
again, Deathscythe is one hell of a mecha... it wouldn’t really surprise me
if Shinigami outlived that lame excuse for a pilot. I can feel the tingle of
the blade resting at my side... and the inexplicable urge to use it... on
him. Although
I’d rather not say, I’d have to allow that Duo is definitely not one of my
favorite people. Is it him, personally? His tendencies? His habits? When it
comes down to it, I’d have to say all of it, the whole package... and I can’t
seem to understand why Heero would even look at him twice. Much less give him
the time of day... or, more recently... his heart. This...
American... slob... he’s lazy, impractical... just look at that braid! He’s
oblivious, extravagant, stubborn, loud and all around annoying. The only
person more annoying than him is that Relena girl... sure, she’s important
and all, but I can quickly find a better replacement. She’s down to my last
iota of patience. I should have ignored Heero that last time and blasted her
when she inserted herself into the battlefield, thinking that we were all
going to get ourselves killed trying to protect her while fighting at the
same time. Damned spoiled brat! I’ll get her next time... Between
the two, I’d choose Maxwell over Relena any day, but that still doesn’t mean
that I have to like him. It simply means that as long as he keeps Heero happy
and focused on what really matters, I’ll let him stay around. I can’t have
Yuy turning all mushy and useless on me in the heat of battle, after all.
There would be no justice in that... not for me, and not for the rest of the
masses that are depending on us to win this war. Damn women and braided
idiots and such... Heero...
I try not to stare-- I won’t look away-- but I will not admit that it really
gets to me. Duo is... rather affectionate, to put it lightly. I suppose in
matters that don’t concern fighting, there is something that I have to be
more gracious for. I’ve never seen Heero look like that at anyone else... not
even Relena-- especially not her-- thank God. And, well... Maxwell--
Duo—he... he seems to feel the same way. For that, I should be happy for
them. So... I guess I won’t use my blade on him, after all... for now,
anyway. In
the lonely dark of the room, watching the two of them embrace... lovers in a world
of hate... it makes me wonder... what else there is past all of this?
Something better, maybe? Could love really exist? Looking at the two of them
is almost convincing enough. Thoughtfully, I avert my attentions elsewhere,
leaving them to their privacy. Heero deserves that much from me. I never
asked for his affections that way. He is my colleague in battle... and, as
long as he honors that, I will continue on... fighting faithfully by his
side. I can’t say I’ll ever understand what he does beyond the cockpit...
that’s not really any of my business anyway. But I will always be satisfied
to have him, in battle, as my partner... my friend... and master. Smiling
to myself, I drift beyond the room... past my pilot and the one who loves
him, no matter how odd it may seem to me... beyond the fighting and hating
and killing... into what may be my own little realm of tranquility... my eye
in the storm. Maybe... I will find more somewhere past all the hurt.
Someday... Heero and I will find it together. At then? Then we will finally
be at peace. Until
then, I stand proud... in eternal vigil at his side, his guardian and
keeper... ready at a moment’s notice to take to the skies with him in hopes
that one day, we’ll truly know how it feels to fly... |