X1

CLAMP: To make up for the horrendously unappealing art of the first book, let's entice our readers by inserting an intriguing picture of Subaru on page one!
Subaru: ::exudes freaky, evil aura::
TB fans: Waaaiii!!! *_*

Kamui: I'm here to act like a bitch and kick everyone's ass now.
Earth: I agree with the bitch part.
Humanity: This is the kid the 'Rent-a-Hero' agency sent us? Damn, we were gipped!
Kamui: Oh, screw off.

Kotori: I had a dream that Kamui came back to Tokyo.
Fuuma: Is that all you dreamed about? ::smirk::
Kotori: Pervert! ::smacks Fuuma::

Kotori: Kamui, you're back! ^^
Kamui: Get the hell away from me.
Kotori: Wow Kamui, you've turned into a prick. I'm going to go find a staircase to faint on now.
Kamui: You do that.

Tooru: ::bursts into flames::
Kamui: Well, at least in the manga, my virgin eyes aren't subjected to my mother's dying nakedness.
CLAMP: That's what the movie is for.
Kamui: You guys suck.

Daisuke: Hello, not-Kamui.
Kamui: Nice to meet you, prepare to die.
Daisuke: You fight well, but you're an immature asshole.
Kamui: Go to hell.

Arashi: Hello Kamui, I'm here to make you look like an ass.
Daisuke: Too late.
Kamui: >.<

Fuuma: Kamui, you're hurt badly.
Kamui: Gee Fuuma, you're quick. What tipped you off?
Fuuma: Shut up and faint already.
Kamui: Okay.

Kotori: OMG! Kamui-chan is hurt!
Fuuma: Yeah, he's bleeding all over the place.
Kotori: How are we going to clean it?
Fuuma: I'd lick him, but that's OOC until around book 5.

Sorata: Damn, I wanted to talk to Kamui!
Yuuto: I guess you'll have to settle for fighting with me while we mutually stoke each other's egos.
Sorata: Sounds good to me.

X2

Sorata: You know what, this is the coolest fight sequence in the whole manga! Ahahahahaha!!!
Yuuto: Yeah, it's a shame CLAMP doesn't want to elaborate on us anymore - I wanted a sequel.
Sorata: Maybe that's because I'm supposed to be flamingly het - I'm not allowed to be paired up with anyone but a woman, you know.
Yuuto: But you're going to be hitting on Kamui throughout the upcoming volumes!
Sorata: The readers don't know that yet.
Yuuto: Point.

Hinoto: Kamui, I've forced my way into your dreams to piss you off by linking your traumatic childhood experiences to an equally agonizing future. ::gory images::
Kamui: Uwaaaahhh!!! ::retaliates by blowing Hinoto to kingdom come::

Kanoe: Damn, I'm horny and Yuuto's been delayed. Satuki, can I watch you and BEAST screw?
Satsuki: First, let's have an ambiguous talk about Kamui.
Kanoe: But I get to see you and BEAST screw, right?
Satsuki: Yeah, sure.

Kamui: Ko... Kotori! ::causes an earthquake::
Kotori: Kyaaaa!!! ::falls ontop of Kamui::
Fuuma: ::walks in::
Kotori: B-brother! ::blush::
Kamui: This isn't what it looks like.
Fuuma: Tell that to my shinken in book 8 when I finally get the balls to do something about it.
Kamui: Meep!

Sorata: Hi Kamui, wanna talk?
Kamui: Actually, I'm feeling pissy and want to bitchslap you.
Sorata: That can't be good. Here, let me tell you why you shouldn't. ::tells long story:: Okay, do you still feel like kicking my ass?
Kamui: Seeing as you've reminded me about why I'm being a bitch, yes. ::bitchslaps Sorata::
Sorata: ........wah.

Fuuma: As CLAMP characters, our pasts are horrific and scarring.
Kotori: I'm surprised we're still so sane.
Fuuma: You won't be in another 5 books.
Kotori: What makes you say that?
Fuuma: ::gives Kotori a hamburger::
Kotori: Nooo!!! Mother!!! ::wails::
Fuuma: ...................

Nataku: Give me the shinken, old man.
Kyougo: Hey, I'm still the alpha-male in this shrine, so you gotta fight me for it, you blanket-toting sissy-boy.
Nataku: No one makes fun of scarf-san ::rams hand through Kyougo's chest::
Kyougo: Shit, that backfired on me. ::collapse::

Fuuma: Nooo!!! Father!!! ::wails::
Kyougo: Fuuma, with my dying breath, I shall fuck with your head.
CLAMP: Muahahahaha!!!
Kyougo: You are... Kamui's... ::dies!::
Fuuma: I am Kamui's WHAT??? No, TELL ME!!!
Kamui: Uh... this is awkward.
S+S fans: Wah! CLAMP is going to torture us like that in X16!
Kamui: People, we aren't even there yet! Get the hell out of here and let me and Fuuma angst! >.<

X3

Kotori: What's going on here?
Fuuma: Father's dead.
Kotori: .....well, shit. ::collapses::

Hinoto: I must've smoked too much pot last night. I'm seeing two shinken and two Kamuis! (behold the pretty colors)
Kamuis: ::each grab a sword, pop wings, and leer::
Hinoto: Woah, that's a kinky image.
Kamuis: ::FIGHT!!!::
Hinoto: Er... maybe Kamui is schizophrenic like me? ^^;;;

Kamui: I'm still feeling pissy. ::bullies Sorata::
Sorata: Geez Kamui, someone needs to kick your ass and straighten you out.
Kamui: Oh shut up and let me enjoy my seme attitude while Fuuma is still a pansy.
Sorata: .......okay.

Tokiko: Hey Kamui, it's nice to finally meet you.
Kamui: Are you another person randomly thrown in to piss me off?
Tokiko: No, I've been strategically thrown in to rekindle a your sense of human connection for about 2 minutes, then I shall mysteriously disappear under the veil of fire to further traumatize you before dying in a bloody explosion all over you and your boyfriend next time we meet.
Kamui: Um... okay... who are you, again?
Tokiko: I am your aunt.
Kamui: Well........ shit.

Arashi: ::kicks some shikigami ass with her cool katana::
Aoki: ::kicks some shikigami ass with his cool wind tricks::
Arashi: Wow, I'm surprised you could do that.
Aoki: ::sunny smile:: Thank you.
Arashi: But you still look like a dork.
Aoki: Well, I'm a nice dork - and a Dragon of Heaven. Here's my card. ^_~
Card-san: Aoki Seiichirou; Asuka Magazine Editor; Reformed Windmaster; Ten no Ryuu; Pseudo-Family Man; etc

Kamui: I haven't kicked anyone's ass since book one and I'm itching for a fight.
Arashi: Piss off.
Sorata: God, I love that in a woman. ^^

Kamui: ::Sees Tokiko's house burning and freaks out::
Sorata: ::Stops Kamui from jumping into the fire:: Yo, chill! This ain't a weenie roast!
Kamui: ::gets ready to bitchslap Sorata again::
Sorata: ::stops Kamui by hypnotizing him with cryptic words of destiny and comfort before dragging him off to see Hinoto::
Arashi: You know, that may not be a good idea.
Sorata: Setting him loose on her is better than letting him pound ME.
Arashi: ........let's go then.

Kanoe: Fuuma, I am here to help finish what you father started and further degrade your mental stability so that 'Kamui' will have an easier time taking over your mind.
Fuuma: Lady, put on some clothes. -_-;;;
Kanoe: And so, to further fuck with your head, here are some bloody, dying images of everyone you ever loved!
Saya: ::Explodes into chunky pieces::
Kyougo: ::Heart bursts and body melts::
Kotori: ::Impaled with a shinken::
Kamui: ::Licking blood and kicking ass::
Fuuma: You've got to be joking me - Kamui doesn't have the testosterone for that sort of thing.
Kanoe: ::facevaults::
Fuuma: Get the hell out of my head.
Kanoe: Only if you kill Kamui.
Fuuma: You suck.

X4

Fuuma: Damn, my mind is now overrun with freakish yaoi fantasies of blood and winged-Kamui in bondage. I'd almost enjoy the kinkiness of it all if it weren't for the fact that when that ho says I'm going to "kill" Kamui, I don't get the feeling she means by mind-blowing orgasm. (Too bad, sex would have been a nice plus)
Kotori: Oniichan, sorry to interupt your perversions, but I am here to tell you that for the remainder of my short-lived sanity, I am going to strive to be less of the faint-hearted heroine I was intended to be so that even the yaoi fangirls won't look back on my memory with disgust.
Fuuma: Well, we both know how that goes, but it's the thought that counts. I'd give you an 'A' for effort.
Kotori: Are you patronizing me?

Sorata: Before we go off to see Hinoto, let's sit down and have something to eat!
Kamui: I'm not hungry.
Sorata: That's okay, it's better if you don't eat just yet as I am about to flirt shamelessly with you and Arashi while explaining your mother's firey demise and simultaneously grilling raw meat in front of your face!
Kamui: ...
Sorata: Your mom was a kage-nie, which is someone who gets to play virtual voodoo doll with someone else. Whatever bad shit happens to that other person will instead happen to the kage-nie, no matter what it is.
Kamui: That's so fucked up.
Sorata: Kinda like this beef...can you imagine if this cow had a kage-nie? ::bitechewchewslurp::
Kamui: I'm going to be sick.

Hinoto: Welcome, Kamui.
Kamui: OMG, it's the bitch who killed Kotori in my dream! ::resumes pissiness::
Sorata: Here we go again.
Arashi: Is he always like this?
Sorata: Yup. Feisty little shit, ain't he?

Kamui: ::attmepts to rip Hinoto's head off::
Sorata: Kamui, I hate to tell you this, but that ain't gonna stop your nightmares -- furthermore, it won't save that girl from dying by messy dismemberment.
Kamui: ::pouts but stops throttling Hinoto:: So how the hell do I save her?
Sorata: Well, the next time you're with that boyfriend of yours, bite down HARD.
Kamui: o.O Isn't it against your 10 precepts to use teeth during oral sex?
Sorata: ::Shrugs:: Hell if I know -- but the look on his face will be priceless.
Kamui: I hate you.

Hinoto: ::shows Kamui gory images of future::
Kamui: You've got a sick imagination, lady.
Hinoto: Bend to my will or this future will be all your fault.
Kanoe: Lying bitch. Why don't you show him the OTHER future?
Kamui: Other future?
Kanoe: Yes, a future of nudity, fresh air, and sex out in the open with any gender of your choice without fear of consequences.
Kamui: Wicked! ^^
Hinoto: Arg! You're spoiling my plan! ::blasts Kanoe to high heaven::
Kamui: Hey! I wanted to here more about that future! ::sulk::
Hinoto: Too bad.
Kamui: Bitch.

Sorata: ::holds Kamui as he wakes up:: You okay?
Kamui: ::ignores him and rants at Hinoto:: Why the hell did you cut the ho off?
Daisuke: Don't talk to the princess that way, not-Kamui.
Kamui: Ah, the asshole is back. You WILL die this time.
Inuki: ::inserts himself:: I am here to stall this fight until the next book by growling and looking menacing.
Kamui: Damnit, I wanted to kick Saiki's ass NOW! >.< (I need to vent!)
Inuki: You're still a virgin, aren't you?
Kamui: ::reddens and sputters:: W-WHAT???
Inuki: ::smirks as dogs smirk:: Only virgins are as edgy and easily flustered as you.
Kamui: It's not my fault I'm a bitch and have been fighting off all of Fuuma's advances -- CLAMP drew me that way.
CLAMP: Sure, blame it on us.

Kotori: I'm going out!
Fuuma: By yourself? Are you going to be okay?
Kotori: Yeah, I'm going to get into a bit of trouble, but a big, burly man is going to come to my rescue -- fighting off rogue cables and wires while shouting out his various attacks before sending me off in the direction of the Suckonazucchinimoron! But Kamui will be there again, so I should be fine.
Fuuma: ....er, right. You do that. And if that's all true, maybe I'll show up later to harrass Kamui. But for now,I have more freakish yaoi fantasies I'd like to indulge in.
Kotori: Fuuma, sometimes, you scare me.
Fuuma: That what they'll ALL say.

X5

Daisuke: I still say that this kid isn't qualified to be Kamui.
Sorata: Yeah, well, real life is pretty shitty compared to all those romantic fairy tales. We got to make the best with what we were given to work with - it'd be way too convenient otherwise.
Daisuke: So you're saying that for the sake of a more realistic storyline, we're sacrificing our use of a larger-than-life, invincible hero in favor of a hot-headed, ill-disciplined teenage boy with sexual orientation issues?
Sorata: Oh yeah, don't forget the "prettier than the entire female cast" part. ^^
Daisuke: ...We're all gonna die. ¬¬;

Yuzuriha: ::bounces in:: Hello everyone, my name is Nekoi Yuzuriha and I'm the barely pubescent 5th Dragon of Heaven! ::niko::
Minasan: ...You're kidding, right?
Yuzuriha: Nope! ::genki niko genki:: Hey, wanna pet my dog?
Minasan: ::massive sweatdrop::
Daisuke: And I reiterate: We're all gonna die. ¬¬

Kamui: What special powers do you possess, Yuzuriha?
Yuzuriha: I'm an inugami mistress with powers of irresistable cuteness and unwavering genkiness. ::nikori:: I also have a never-ending supply of mood-healing pocky, would you like some?
Kamui: ......That's it, I quit! ::walks off the stage in a huff::
CLAMP: Hey, where're you going???
Kamui: Back to the movie set, where the obscene lack of character development at least spared me from realizing how screwed I was from the beginning. ::rant::
CLAMP: But the movie was totally bogus!
Kamui: Yeah, and so's your idea of apocalyptic warriors.

End Summaries... for now...